God Tweeted Me

Loss, Grief, and Change

My post called I Cry Daily started out “I have to admit I never saw myself as a caregiver to my husband”.

Well, I am no longer a full time caregiver. As quickly as it took him to take his last breath I went from wife to widow. After battling brain cancer since January of this year my husband of 46 years was gone on Friday, October 19 at around 4 am.

Today, at 4:00 am I lay here wondering why and not understanding what God has in mind taking my husband, father of our three children, grandpa to three and friend and colleague to many. Sitting in limbo space between burial and Memorial Service I wonder why and wondering if I know how to live as a single person having been engaged second semester of my senior year of high school and married at age 20 we were rarely separated for any length of time.

Interrupting my wondering wandering I hear the bling of a notification on my phone and actually feel prompted to see what it is that would show up at 4:03 am on Twitter.

Never question if God answers prayer. We just need to be available to hear his answer no matter how he sends it.

So at 4:03 am God tweeted me using Amy Carroll of Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her blog on The Uncomfortable Gift of Elbow Room definitely spoke to my need. She states:

“Change is hard because it always involves a loss, but our good God makes sure that there are gains that accompany our grief.”

And so, I am back to my New Years commitment – whatever happens in 2018 make it count. And, I still cry daily.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”

To God be the glory

Check out Amy Carrol’s blog and be blessed The Uncomfortable Gift of Elbow Room

I Cry Daily

B3B86B8A-C99E-4244-90B0-EC78EF76702BI have to admit I never saw myself as a caregiver to my husband. And yet here we are. Some days I feel like I am in one of those Hallmark movies where you fall asleep and wake up with another life. There are days I wonder if I will ever get my husband back as his personality has changed some. Hoping it is just inflammation, steroids or one of the many meds he takes. I expect him to walk out of the next room, I need to go somewhere and I expect him to come along and drive or make one of the many financial decisions. I am still in denial and I cry daily.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

1 Peter 5:8-10 “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast”


A friend posted this on FB not too long ago.

“Satan does not want to beat you, imprison you, take your job away from you… He has 2 desires 1. He wants to keep you from having access to Jesus and 2. To shut you up and make you keep your faith to yourself.”

(Retweeted Vikram Pimplekar (@VPimplekar):

#WEC2018 @DallasSeminary #thetaskunfinished

This is very meaningful as I contemplate my new role as a full time caregiver to my husband. We have been actively serving in our church with leadership responsibilities. But that changed when a routine back surgery ended up as a discovery procedure and after several CT Scans and MRI’s the final diagnosis is brain cancer. My husband has brain cancer. His left side is nearly paralyzed. Radiation could help if it shrinks the tumor and he gets full use of his left side again.

So, in a sense we both feel shut up and really have no interaction, except by email, texting or FB although family members do stop by when they can and have really helped with a lot of things we take for granted. So we have decided that Satan will not shut us up. BUT since we already have access to Jesus Satan has already been thwarted and this blog will be our voice.

Shout to the LORD, all the earth; break out in praise and sing for joy! Psalm 98:4 NLT.

Peaceful Pause

You know, I cannot believe another roller coaster year has come and gone.  It was a great year and the worst of years.  But, no matter, God is still on the throne and He is sovereign.  Here is a great quote from Billy Graham:

God is unchanging in His love,

He loves you. He has a plan for your life.

Don’t let the newspaper headlines frighten you. 

God is still sovereign; He’s still on the throne.

 As a believer in Christ, it is always a comfort to know that God is always in control and His timing is perfect.  I have seen this so many times in my life.

And yet, I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of glad the holidays are over – for now.  Not that I don’t love Christmas because I do.  I mean I always over decorate, over cook, over bake plus I think I watched every Christmas Hallmark movie for this year about ten time plus some timeless old favorites like Miracle on 34th (in B&W – thank you) and White Christmas.  But, this year, I decided to try to keep it simple. To actually focus on the reason for the season and not the doing of the season.  And I did succeed pretty well.   But, no matter what, every year, good or bad, as we approach New Year’s Eve I look forward to and long for my family’s Peaceful Pause.

One of our traditions, even when our kids were little, is on New Years Day we plan and cook a special breakfast, watch the Rose Parade and then the Rose Bowl game and any other worthy football games that may be on TV. When we lived in California that meant getting up at the crack of dawn for the parade, or at least it felt like it (now that we live in Texas we even get to sleep in a little longer). But we stayed in our jammies most of the day. We may have reminisced about the previous year or what we might do in the new year or not.  The kids may have played with their new toys – but mainly we just vegged and snuck in a long, overdue nap.  Sometimes we would hang around the house or we might go outside and play.  Of course, we did that much more when the kids were little. And then last, but not least, all the Christmas decorations are taken down and packed away.  It is just one peaceful serendipitous day¸ wrapped in our own warm and cozy cocoon of peace and love and tucked in between the weeks of chaotic, joyful holiday activities, and the reboot of the rat race that is our life.  That is our own peaceful pause!

What do you do on New Year’s day?  Is making resolutions part of your new year plan? How was 2017 for you? Comment below.

And with that, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year and whatever happens this year – ask the Lord to make it count.